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Thursday, January 6th, 2005
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11:21 am
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I find the need to declare that this journal is one that is no longer used by me. Instead, I have switched to forerunner13, which is my new online journal.
- Vaughn
current mood: informative
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| Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
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11:44 am - The Last Entry of Them All
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As I write this, sadness tends to come over me. This thursday I will be moving in with my dad, and attending college there. I will leave (somewhat reluctantly) Santa Clarita behind, and continue on with my life elsewhere.
Yesterday was my last day of working at Six Flags. It was hard for me, especially when I had to say goodbye to my leads. It didn't become apparent to me just how attached to them I had become, until I had to say goodbye. I already miss them, because they were more to me than just my "boss". They were becoming my friends. To Kristy, Tiffany, and Tammy: I will miss you all! You have become good friends to me, even if you may have not seen it that way. I wish the best for you all!
Tomorrow, my best friend Eric leaves for Utah to attend Brigham Young University. I worry about never seeing him again, but I pray that will not be so. My friends have now chosen their courses in life, along with me, and are now beginning to pursue it. It's a sad farewell, but one that must be dealt with. I will make every attempt to remain in contact with them. I have lost too many good friends to the sands of time and to distance. Too many to allow the best ones of my life to dwindle away like that. To Jordan and Eric: Expect letters soon!
As for me, this will most likely be the last entry I post on here, as my dad at the moment does not have internet access, and I'm not sure if public libraries allow this kind of thing. (The ones at Canyon blocked it.) As for my website, the same thing applies. It will forever remain a memorial to me and the people, places, and things I held dear. I ran out of time to make it the best that I could, but as for now, I couldn't be more happier with the way it turned out. Everything I wanted on there, is pretty much there. In the future, I may be able to update it, although obviously cannot tell when. If you feel the need, please just visit it every once in awhile. Maybe just to remember me, or to kill a few minutes of boredom. It may even be given updates every once in awhile. Consider it your online portal to me.
As for my live journal, I appreciate every one who responded and read it. Without that, why even write on this anyway? I consider this part of my REAL journal, and someday I hope to incorporate this into it. It revealed alot about me, and certainly deserves to be added into the record of my life.
As for now, I'm not sure when I will hear from you all.....but rest assured we will meet or talk again. Somehow, somewhere, I will make it possible. Best wishes and smooth sailing to you all! May life bring you the happiness that so many of us are in search for.
- Vaughn Griffeth
current mood:  touched
current music: "You Are My Life" - by Michael Jackson
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| Thursday, August 5th, 2004
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12:30 pm - A Sudden Burst
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I apologize on this lengthy absence of mine. It's due to adware once again. But enough on that. Time to catch up on what's happened in my life....
Recently, I went down to El Camino and completed the majority of the registration process. Now I simply have to register for classes. I do that on the 12th. Hopefully I can get that day off. This college stuff kinda worries me, especially since I have big goals in the future. However, if I stick with it I'm sure I'll do fine.
As for work, it's approaching the time when I'll have to put in a 2-week notice, or something to that extent in preparation of moving down with my dad. I'm a little hesitant, but it will have to be done.
As of now, I think that's it. Not much left to do....Well, some stuff left, but not worth mentioning on here. There is one other thing, though.
WE NEED TO GET TOGETHER AND DO SOMETHING BEFORE WE LEAVE!!!!!
The Disneyland trip is already proving to not work out, so we need to do something. I was thinking that since going to Disneyland would interfere with scheduling, we should go to Downtown Disney and have dinner there. Or hang out. Just spend an evening there. I'm willing to set it all up, just something......memorable. Something really good to last remember each other by. Let me know what you guys think. 'Till then, see you all later!
current mood:  anxious
current music: For once in my life, none
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| Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
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4:44 pm - A Lull in the Waves....
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"No stars in the sky.
The night seems so dark around you.
You don't say a word...
And wonder why no one's found you.
Waiting for love....
Praying for love again."
- Chris Isaak "Two Hearts"
I havn't been on here in awhile, and the reason is, once again due to adware. The never ending problem of my computer life. I really hate this stuff. Really hate it!
Anyway, so far I've been working everyday except for Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I start at 2:30 except for Saturdays when I have to go in at 4:30. Work is pretty fun, especially since now I know a little better the people I work with. It's actually not a bad job. It can get a little boring at times, 'cause nobody's really buying tickets at 8 at night, but other than that, it's not too bad.
As far as the rest of my life goes, I only have 5 days left before summer school is over. After that, my summer is free to work and study. College comes up in the fall, as well as me leaving good ole' Canyon Country. That's okay, though. It's something I wanted to do, and I feel it's the right thing to do. Hopefully before this summer is over, I can get some time to hang out with my friends... The clock is ticking to when we leave out of each others lives....First Jordan. Then Eric....Then me. It's going by too fast. We should get together again....C'mon guys. We can make time and think of something!
Well, after such a period of absence I'm not sure what else to say...All the major and most important things of my life have already been said on here, especially the last two entries. Those serve no purpose in getting repeated so I won't even bother. Moving away seems like such a strange and surreal thing to me. Out on my own. (So to speak)
Crossing the border into a new life, and a new era. I can't help but wonder, though. If everything will turn out alright. I truly hope so. Financially, I should do okay, at least until I find a new job. But my friends will be gone, and there really is not many people at my dad's ward. No one my age, except for.....But let's not open up THAT wound. I wonder about finding new people....New friends that could possibly be as good as the ones I have now. I just don't know. Their really is not that many youth in my dad's ward...So, not alot of options.
In the end, it should and will, turn out alright. If it doesn't, I could care less. Too many things disapoint and go wrong in my life for me to really care.
Anyway, I guess I should stop now before I continue this rambling. Hopefully I'll be able to write more on here, if I can get the upper edge on adware. Until then, I'm out of here!
current mood:  pensive
current music: "Walk Into the Light" - by Insane Clown Posse
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| Thursday, July 8th, 2004
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10:41 am - A Clouded and Darkened Mind.....
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Days continue on, and the past become the present leading into the future...I'm not sure what exactly it will bring, but no one really does...Well, I appreciate everything that my friends have done to make me feel better. You all know who you are. This is a depression that didn't just start. It's been going on for awhile...It was only enhanced by some recent events, dealing with someone that I.......well, really cared for and admired.
I feel that because of those ensuing events, and circumstances in the past involving other people, I just can't succeed in it anymore...The people I care the most for, seem to care less about me. Well, I guess it's just the way it goes. The future is a haze, motivation gone, and I feel that I no longer want to try anymore. Why should I think about someone who probably doesn't even give me a second thought in her daily life, let alone one? Why should I try so hard, when their is so much compition for her affection. (Please understand. I'm not trying to boast or anything. But she is, as many people seem to say, VERY attractive. And I know some people who have, and do, like her as well. Compition for her is real, and she seems to know it {In my opinion.}.) Why should I think, dream, and care for someone that for all I know, could not even think the same way about me? Now, I don't know if she does or not, but I have my doubts....I think I can expect some more lonely nights of tears in the future due to her, if my worst fear turns out to be true. (Which is starting to look like a reality...)
I grow tired of getting my hopes up in the expectation that, "Hey! You know, I think she actually likes me!" Then, in some event in the future hearing, "Yeah. Do you have a boyfriend?" or "I really like him." or seeing her with another guy. No effort on my behalf could ever tell you the emotions I feel (and felt) at that time. Man, it almost makes you wish you could die. It literally feels like your going to throw up. Your heart hurts (Sometimes physically as well.), you feel like crying and never stopping, and you just want to die. Rejection, especially from someone you care for, really does that to you. Then......(and this happened to me, as well.) Anger. And hate. Strong hate. You begin to get angry with her. And you hate the person she chose over you. You begin to hate him out of jealosy, and wonder what is it about him that she liked over myself. Everytime you see her from that time forth, you ignore her or treat her badly. (Ex: Make sarcastic comments towards her, or refuse to talk or even look at her.) It feels good, but it's only temporary relief, because deep down........you still like her. And you don't know why. And this leads to what gives people courage: Hope. You begin to feel that it won't work out. And (Also happened to me.) when it does, you get hurt TWICE, even more painfully then before. And..........you go on a strong decline. Hopefully you snap out of sometime in the future. Usually when you find someone new. And the same thing happens again. And again. And again. Such is my life. It happened in the 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9 to 11th, and finally 12th grades leading into now. That is a HECK of a pattern. But it's true. That's why the future doesn't really promise me that someone out there would return the favor. I don't hold my breath at ALL.
So, as it stands, I simply continue on. There was a quote I heard that said something about this kind of situation. It said at least you could always tell your future grandkids about the one that got away. Well, in my case, I would have to tell them about ALL the ones that got away. And (assuming I get that far in life to have grandchildren) about the miraculous one that decided on marrying me. Once again, assuming that happens.
As for now, I have work at 2:30 for the rest of the week so I'll try to get back on here to keep up with your comments and everything, if you leave any. Until then, I think I've done enough expression of my thougts and feelings.
current mood:  rejected
current music: "Let Me Down Easy" - by Chris Isaak
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| Tuesday, July 6th, 2004
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11:19 am - Descending Into Darkness.....
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"World was on fire, no one could save me but you.
Strange what desire makes foolish people do.
I'd never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you..
And I'd never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you.
No, I don't want to fall in love...
(This world is only gonna break your heart...)
No, I wanna fall in love....
(This world is only gonna break your heart...)
With you.
What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you.
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you.
And I wanna fall in love...
(This world is only gonna break your heart...)
No, I wanna fall in love...
(This world is only gonna break your heart...)
With you.
World was on fire, no one could save me but you.
Strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I'd never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you...
I'd never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you...
No, I wanna fall in love...
(This world is only gonna break your heart...)
No, I wanna fall in love...
(This world is only gonna break your heart...)
With you.
(This world is only gonna break your heart...)
With you.
(With you...)
(This world is only gonna break your heart...)
No I........
(This world is only gonna break your heart...)
Nobody......loves no one.
"Wicked Games" By Chris Isaak.
As another week begins, and my days continue, I stumble out of the light and into the dark. My emotions right now are a mixture of many different things. Yet all leading to the same thing. Depression, which leads to pain. Pain, which leads to anger. Anger, which leads to hate. And hate, which leads to suffering.
I feel normal, but yet.....upset. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I'm impatient. (A very real probability, considering certain things...) Sometimes I spend nights in tears without really knowing why. (Well, I KNOW why, but not why I should express myself that way.) I usually hate crying. The only things that have ever made me cry are pain and women. And I haven't experienced intense pain at the moment...
Depression has been a very real aspect of my life at times. We all have it, I'm sure of that. Yet, many nights (Especially at my dad's, when the object or personage of some of those feelings is closest..) I've stayed up late at night (Sometimes until 3 in the morning) in deep thought, until I eventually come up with a temporary solution or drift off to sleep.
And one thing that angers me, is why I have never tasted success. WHY must the nice guy finish last? Why do others around me find suitable companions, and I am always left......well, alone? I don't get it. I find myself logically sorting it out. If this problem keeps happening, and the objects of my affection( Now, and in the past) have no trouble with finding companionship, then the problem must lie with me. There must be something about me that does not attract people towards romantic involvement. I tried with so many people in the past that I cared about and admired, and all have ended in the same thing: "Not interested." or "I've found someone else."
It angers me when I see seemingly geeky people or people whose personalities make them appear to have no chance, find companionship or at least a small fling. I havn't even achieved THAT. People always say, "Yeah, it didn't work out so we broke up." Most heartbreak songs talk about that kind of situation. I havn't even been in a relationship, and have still failed.
With the exception of perhaps once, I have never had any girlfriends, been kissed, been out on a date with someone who I TRULY wanted to go out with, etc. Just this past weekend I was asked: "Do you have a girlfriend?" right in front of the person that I wouldn't have minded choosing that role...And it sucks when you have to stare at the floor, and say no. (Granted, I'm exaggerating, but......yeah.)
Now, I have confidence. Sometimes I'm very confident, bordering on arrogance. But over time it's been beaten back into submission with failure, that I no longer trust myself any more with some aspects. Now, I know I'm only 18 and I still have a long way ahead of me to find someone, but if past experiences are any way of judging the future.....
All my friends have or at one time had, a girlfriend/boyfriend. ALL of them! I would name them, but not even depression can stop the loyalty and love that I have for my friends. They were and are, truly good friends. And bless them all, they truly tried to set me up with some people. Yet unbeknowest to them, all it did was further my feelings of depression. (Not just them, but even my relatives when they tried to set me up with someone.) I have always thought of someone setting you up with someone as an insult. To me, it always felt like, "Well, since you can't do it, we'll just have to find someone for you." Or it showed that I was so desperate, that I would take anyone that I could find. I strongly disliked those moments...
Yet, it brings me back to the present day and the current situation...I sit here, and just think. I don't know what the future holds. Marriage is something I strongly want to do....yet I strongly fear that I won't be able to accomplish it. The one thing that amounts to my ultimate goal, and I can't do it alone. It requires another. One that would feel for me what I have felt towards many people that I have liked in the past. And I just can't seem to think that a person like that is out there. Rather, I think that she already came, and through some fault of my own I just never let it develop into something that would progress into that.
So, that's about it. If anyone read down this far, I'm sorry you had to sit through the thoughts of a person who doesn't feel his best. Yet, it's my reality and for you to avoid it, just click something else and it will be gone. As for me, I just have to wake up everyday and start it all over again.
I just continue to drift......and drift.....into darkness.
current mood:  depressed
current music: " I Want to Know What Love Is " - by Foreigner
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| Friday, July 2nd, 2004
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9:18 pm - The Sands of the Hourglass dwindle......
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8:47 pm
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Not much to say, but I felt the need to say something anyway. Tomorrow I have department training that they said goes from 11 to 4pm, with the possibility that I could be working more than that...Great. I was hoping to not work Sunday and Monday, buy I don't know if that will happen. I'm really hoping I don't work Monday, so I can light fireworks with my family. However, I don't really know yet. Hopefully....
In other news, I stated this before but I'll do it again. There is now 5 days left until COC's registration window closes. After that, I HAVE to go to El Camino or I'll be up a creek without a paddle. I want to go to El Camino, but now that it comes time to make a decision I'm a little worried. My mom is a little upset about it, as she doesn't see why I want to do it. She's mad that I'll have a job at Six Flags and then only work there for about a month and a half, and then quit and go live with my dad. However, I will now have gained experience which is what I have been trying to get. So, theoretically I could have a better chance of finding a job there. Nevertheless, every dollar I earn from this job I intend on saving for college. I already have a head start on a 4-year college level as far as money goes, but the immediate concern of mine is at the Community College level. So that's where my efforts lie.
So, that's my current state of the union....those are the things that are the most pressing on my mind. I know they'll work out somehow, but it's the unsurety of taking risks that gets to me. That, and the fear...
Well, it's said that everyone gets afraid, but it's how you deal with that fear that makes a difference.
current mood: intimidated
current music: "Life Will Go On" -Chris Issak
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| Thursday, July 1st, 2004
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8:24 pm - A Shift in Time, Loyalties, and Future Events
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As I write this post, allow me to say that I am exhausted. I went to Park Orientation today from 1 to 4:30, and then now have to go to Department Training this Saturday from 11 to 4 p.m. The cool thing about it though, is that I got to go into Six Flags for free today! After orientation, they cut us loose and I got to enjoy all the rides! The benefits seem to be pretty good, and I think I'll enjoy working there. The only thing is that it can get tiring, if today was any indication. But, that's life.
Another thing has come up as well. July 6 is the last day to register for COC, and after that day it's El Camino or bust. I reminded my dad to talk to my grandfather about it, and he said he would over the weekend. He would then talk to me about it, and we would work it out then. I asked him a million times if he was okay with it, and if he thought my grandfather would be okay with it and he replied that he was sure it wouldn't be a problem. So, I guess that somewhat nervously settles that.
As for anything else, there was some more things I wanted to say, but I have to go now as my brother (somewhat unfairly) has to use the computer by decree of my mom. So, expect a supplement to this entry...
Until that happens, and I regain control of the computer, I'll see you all later.
current mood:  exhausted
current music: "I See You Everywhere" - Chris Issak
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| Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
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11:43 am - The Age Continues...
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Well, some more time has passed and a new entry has occurred once again. First off the bat, I now have a job! I start orientation tomorrow at 1 to 4:30, and after that I'm not sure what happens...But I am getting paid for it, so that's cool. I'm not sure how long you have to wait before you start working, but I'm hoping it won't be until after Monday, as I will hopefully be with my dad for the weekend. I would prefer that, but I'm not sure if it will work out that way. If it doesn't, that would suck, but at least I would still see or talk to him later.
As for moving in with my dad at the beginning of the fall semester, I finally told my mom about it. Unfortunatly, I told her right after we got into an argument. I think she misunderstood my reasons for going, or thought that I was leaving because I didn't like it here for whatever reason. So.....yeah. I wish I held it in until it was more appropriate, but that is now in the past. She warned me that she won't be able to help me out as much as she used to, but that I understand and accept. I'll still see her often, so I'm not too worried. I just hope that I CAN move in with my dad. He say's he doesn't mind, but I worry about what my grandfather will think about it. My dad said he shouldn't mind, too. So, that reassures me...
As for now, I'm just relaxing and enjoying the day. Have to discipline myself to keep up my studying that I've been doing over the summer. Preparing for college and all that...
I hope the future turns out as I planned, but one can never tell. One thing I learned from my Geometry teacher was kind of interesting and inspiring. See what you think. It goes: "In a world of order, Chance is irrational." Not sure what I think about that, but it kinda makes sense. Just something to think about...
Until later, see you all later!
current mood:  complacent
current music: "Dreams" - by Van Halen
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| Monday, June 28th, 2004
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3:22 pm - A Returning Age
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After a period of long delay, I am now finally back online with an all new entry. My absence can be attributed to Adware once more, yet I finally think (please) that I fixed it. I called Time Warner Cable, and I told them my problem. They instructed me to my Ad-aware program, and showed me where a neat little task that I hadn't noticed before remained. It's called "updates". That's right, guys. It seems I wasn't updating the program to the different things that it was supposed to be searching for, so it kept searching for the same kind of things! At times like this, It never ceases to amaze me how the smallest things can make a difference. So, that is the explanation of why I have been gone for so long.
In other news, this past weekend was an interesting one. Emotional, and somewhat problematic. I have no desire to put this on a live journal though. This one will go down in the hallowed pages of my REAL journal. Nevertheless, I had a good time with my dad, and love the time that I get to spend with him. As for this week, I continue to press forward and do the best I can. Certain things are on my mind, and they cause me much deep thought and meditation...
Other than the things I've said here, I'm not sure there's anything else to say. I apologize for any inconvenience my absence may have caused. Then again, who really reads this anyway?
Until next time, I'll see you all in the future.......or in the past.
current mood: emotional distress
current music: "You Are Not Alone" - Michael Jackson
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| Thursday, June 10th, 2004
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8:33 pm - Just An Update...
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Another day has drifted by...Life goes by too fast.
Well, the latest happenings of my life have continued. Youth Conference is this weekend, one that I'm actually kind of in charge of. Looking forward to it, but a little apprehensive about the upcoming service projects. In anycase, I'll find out how it goes tomorrow!
Went to summer school registration today, which went well. Ended up not having to walk home, as my friend Sam gave me a ride! It's amazing how things work out.
Other than that, nothing much. I know it seems dull, but what more can I write? That's all that happened today! Plus, I don't have the time right now to put down any deep thoughts. So, until I do, this will have to suffice!
Peace!
current mood:  thoughtful
current music: "Can't Help Falling In Love With You" by UB40
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| Wednesday, June 9th, 2004
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8:42 pm - A Simple Transmission
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Another post, and another day..Today I was supposed to go out with Brother Potter to review our service project for Youth Conference, but the school canceled it, so were scrambling to find something new. Tomorrow is summer school registration, which means it's approaching the time for me to finish up geometry. (Not to mention take a long walk back home. Or just figure out the bus schedule, which is what I'll have to do anyway.) In all, that seems to be about it.
I still look forward to eventually moving in with my dad, which if all things permit, will happen. Hopefully everything will work out there. Until I'm there though, I just need to continue to stay focused here, and not lose track of my goals.
All things considered, that's about it. On a normal basis, not much happens that's worth reporting about in a live journal. At least, in my opinion. So, before I begin to ramble off again, I'll just end it here. Until my next post, I'm outta here!
current mood: exanimate
current music: "Nothing's Left" - by Insane Clown Posse
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| Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
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8:06 pm - State of the Union
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Once again, my absence on here was due to Ad-ware. Although I generally don't wish harm on anyone, if something bad were to happen to the people who design these programs, I wouldn't be the first person to feel bad for them...
Well, it seems it is now time to review what has happened in my past. I applied for Taco Bell, and my final answer was that the manager would review my application and call me later. Hopefully, that will work out. However, my "breath holding" days are over. This past Saturday, I had a graduation party at Mrs. Knotts Chicken Restaurant with my family and Jordan. (I invited Eric, but he couldn't make it.) That went really well! Going there (especially with my family) always brings peace to my soul. I love my family very much, and I am very close to each one of them. Spending time with them always relieves me from my stress. Anyway, my Uncle Brian and Aunt Jill got me some See's candy, as well as my Aunt Kerrin and Uncle Cale. My dad and grandfather got me a DVD player! Now I can finally watch my movies on DVD! That was really cool, and I can't thank them both enough for that. All in all, a very fun and enjoyable day. The only thing that cast clouds upon it, was the death of a president that I admired and loved dearly. I'm speaking, of course, of former President Ronald Reagan. He was truly a great man, and one that I will miss greatly. May heaven smile down upon him, for he was one of the great ones.
My friend Jordan also left yesterday, to join the Marines in boot camp. It feels weird knowing he's gone, especially knowing that you won't see him until November. He's the first friend to leave, and the full impact of it is starting to hit me. If you can read this Jordan, good luck! May you make it through successfully, and come back home among the ranks of the few and the proud. A Marine.
I also am going to apply once more for Six Flags. The whole Cabana Team idea isn't working out, and I feel the need to simply apply for a job at Six Flags. Hopefully, (And please, hopefully!) this will work out. It should, but if it doesn't.....I fear that I will not be able to save myself from despair.
I also had my seminary graduation, which went well. I dressed up nicely, only as a kind of joke and simply because I figured it would be a nice change of pace. My dad and grandfather came, as well as my brothers and Mom. It was a rewarding and fun experience.
Well, I think that's it. I hope I don't bore anyone who reads these entries. But if you enjoy it, don't be afraid to respond in the form of a comment! As soon as Ad-ware is either defeated, or temporarily subdued, I promise to respond to it.
Until the next post, I'll see you all a little later....
current mood:  peaceful
current music: "Life Will Go On" -by Chris Isaak
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| Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004
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8:39 pm - My Finest Hour
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The reason I havn't written in here in a while, is because my computer became infected with ad-ware again. It's becoming increasingly hard to fight, and a source of constant anoyance. One that just won't go away. But I refuse to dwell on that much longer.
Anyway, in other news I graduated from High School last night!! I successfully completed 4 years of schooling at Canyon High, and am now on my way to college. It's kind of scary, but I look forward to it. It seems so unreal that 4 years passed by that quickly. Yet, it has. And many more will pass by with equal speed.... Such is the truth of life. However, as the time I physically spend with my friends continues to dwindle, I just continue to marvel on the concepts of their friendship. They truly have been good friends, and I will miss them very much.
The future now remains open to me, and it looks really hazy....Just steer the ship on a steady course, Vaughn. A steady course....
current mood: accomplished
current music: "What More Can I Give" -by Michael Jackson
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| Tuesday, May 25th, 2004
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8:14 pm - How Few Remain
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Today was another final for econonmics, which was from Studies of Labor to the Federal Reserve System. I must admit, it was difficult and constitutes another failure on my part for not being prepared enough...However, with that said, overall I think I did well. After much complaining about the subject, once I actually sat down and studied through it, economics really isn't that difficult. I don't mean to sound like the knight who slays a dragon because the dragon tripped over a rock and broke it's neck, and then taking credit for the kill. (If you can understand that analogy) Yet, after seriously studying it, I found it to be quite interesting and fun to learn about. Like always though, as my mom says, I always do things at the last minute. Now that I've recognized this weakness, I simply need to enact self-disipline to correct it. Not an easy task, but a worthwhile one.
I also spent the rest of today hanging out, and preparing for the last of my finals: A 80-question test on military history, specificly focusing on the Gulf War (As this proved to be a "textbook case" of how to fight a war. At least, after studying the rest of military history.).
I also just got back from mutual, where we played war-ball before we officially started, and then got back to business. Or at least as much business as we could start with rowdy, new priests in our quorum. After this, I left and am now writing this entry for all of you to read.
Anyway, that does it for today. As for the rest of my life, the most recent thing is I applied at McDonalds, as I heard they were hiring. They said they would call me back. Hopefully, there word is a little better then Six Flags. I don't like to have animosity towards them (or anyone), but to a company that stresses the need for more workers and employment, to not even recieve a call back is a subject of annoyance to me. It's not that I think they can't be choosy of who they hire. It's that they told me I successfully passed my first interview, that I should wait to hear from them, and then everything would work out. To never hear from them, was kind of insulting. However, this is the real world. It has always been known that it isn't fair. I also plan to get my permit either this week or next week. My mom can no longer take me there, so I will have to take the bus, hence the current delay. I will now have to take all of these items of concern into my own hands. I really grow tired of being 18 and not being able to drive. It's embarrasing, and I feel the need to strongly drive. I hate feeling like I'm giving people excuses as to why I'm not driving yet. It bothers me more and more, every time I have to state a reason of why I havn't completed it yet. (Most of which are true. My mom can no longer take me anywhere, now that she started her new job..) With that said, I will have to take public transportation to complete it. I will do what I have to, I just havn't decided on a date yet.
As for anything else that happened, nothing much is left for concern. I simply need to strive to do the best I can. I've been a little depressed lately, over a few issues, and I need to rise over it. It is possible, and it is something that can be done. Regardless, as far as I know I still plan to live with my dad to go to a El Camino. However, I face a haunting preminition that I could be making a mistake..I REALLY want to go there, yet I still have the feeling that I'm letting my friends down in some way. I hope I'm not, but I can't seem to shake it...
Regardless, this is just a post of the current happenings in my life. If it bored anyone, I'm sorry. I'll just leave this entry with a poem written by Abraham Lincoln. It's called: "My Childhood Home I see Again." It reads:
"Now twenty years have passed away;
Since I first bid farewell.
To woods, and fields, and scenes of play
And school-mates loved so well.
Where many were, how few remain
Of old familiar things!
But seeing these to mind again
The lost and abscent brings.
The friends I left that parting day--
How changed, as time has sped!
Young childhood grown, strong manhood gray,
And half of all are dead.
-Abraham Lincoln
"My Childhood Home I see Again"
(1846) stanzas 6-8
current mood: indescribable
current music: "Goldon Dreams" - Theme from Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln
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| Friday, May 21st, 2004
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9:37 pm - Short.....and not very Sweet.
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Another weekend approaches, and I have massive studying to do. At least four chapters of econ with 3-4 sections in each!! Suffice it to say, I'm overloaded, and losing my motivation....Yet, it wears me out...
Anyway, over the weekend I plan to see a movie (Either Shrek 2 or Van Helsing)and then it's back to studying....
Not only do I have econ, but I have to study for geometry and other stuff....
Eric, how do you do this stuff everyday!? Man, it's tough!!
Well, I look forward to this week with semi-dread. Can I take it? Or will I crash and burn? The stakes are high....
It's like a bad reality show.!
Not much to say now, though. Kind of a boring night....
Until it gets better, I'll talk to you all later!
See ya!
current mood: worried
current music: "Human" - by Human League
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| Thursday, May 20th, 2004
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8:45 pm - Illusionary Dreams.....
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Today was one heck of a day! I had a vocab final in geometry, as well as an econ test. Whew! Man, was I busy. And I still am! I'm continuing an ongoing study of econ in preperation of my econ final...Two days of economy power! An exhausting battle to fight...but one I must win!
Anyway, anyway...sorry. Didn't mean to get into that. By the way, I'm a little hesitant to bring this up on a live journal, but..........what the heck.
Okay, here goes: Last night, I had a dream about "her". Now, know one really know's who she is, except for those who know her and "her" herself...(That doesn't sound right, but I'll continue anyway.....)
Anyway, it's both a good and bad sign. First off, it's good in the way that I really like her!!! And in the past, I've only dreamed about girls I've really liked. On the other hand, affection can easily change to....obsession. When you can't stand not being around that person, and you need them to feel happy. That's what I want to avoid. I don't EVER want to go down that path...It will never lead to a successful friendship and relationship. I badly want to set things right, yet I just don't know how....
An inner war, among other things. School, future, ect. That dream just seemed so real....but that's all it was. A dream. It's actually kinda funny. In my dreams, I seem to work things out. If something is going really badly, sometimes I'll have a dream that will show me a solution, or a different approach. Just something to think about....
I can't get it out of my head, though...Man..This sucks. Don't mean to bore you guys (and girls) with this stuff, though..
It seems dreams are the only place I will succeed in life..At least with relationsips.
If you excuse me now, I'm going to go waste away in root beer and self pity..It makes me feel better....
current mood: groggy
current music: "Wicked Games" - by Chris Isaak
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| Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
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8:41 pm - A Quick Breeze
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This won't be very long, as I have some MAJOR studying to do on 3 Chapters of Econ. So with that said, today was alright. Took a math test and such, and have to take an econ one tomorrow...Not exactly looking forward to that...
In anycase, finally finished our movie today with Sam's help, which is a big relief. I also have to make sure Mrs. Davies accepts it, which I'm a little worried about. But it should work out fine.
I go out to do discussions with the missionaries on Friday, and I have some continued MAJOR studying over the weekend, and continuing into Tuesday and Wednesday (The Days of the Final).
So, needless to say, I need to stop getting distracted and continue to work!!
With nothing left to say, I will see you all a little later...
current mood:  busy
current music: "Mental Warp" - Insane Clown Posse
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| Monday, May 17th, 2004
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9:19 pm - A period of Silence....lends itself to new Discoveries......
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After a LONG absence, I am now finally back. Please allow me to explain. My mom recently became infatuated, dare I say, obsessed with the computer. She was on it 24/7, every waking moment, leaving no time for me to do anything online at all! But, she now has stopped doing that (Praise to the heavens!) and I am now free to continue this journal of my experiences.
First thing. I need to respond to my last entry about the zodiac having 13 signs and pluto not being a planet. Both are true, but need some explaining. As for the Zodiac, I was as surprised as anyone upon learning this fact. But yet, upon reading a book entitled "Mapping the Sky: The Essential Guide to Astronomy" it had reference to Astrology and it's subsequent constellations. I quote it here:
"This celestial highway (The Zodiac) traditionally represented as geometric, as in the facing diagram (Not shown), is a bit too good to be true. The actual boundaries of the constellations crossed by the sun do not coincide at all with the boxes in which the ancients sought to contain them. Each of the figures of the Zodiac occupies a very variable surface on the celestial vault and a thirteenth constellation, Ophiucus, has slipped in between Sagittarius and Scorpio"
* ( ) added
So you see, it was and is true. Now, why has this not been changed? One answer is: Tradition. To include this new sign would screw up the astrological chart, so to speak. Gone are the perfect even numbers, and descriptions of personality and character traits. It would now have to include a new sign, and no one REALLY wants to. So, yeah.
As for Pluto, many astronomers have debated it's classification as a planet. Many, through many hours of study, have concluded that it's not. I for one, tend to agree with them. Pluto is half the size of our moon, and it's own moon is much smaller than that. It's evolutionary process is different from the other outer planets in the fact that they are huge, and filled with all sorts of gases. Pluto is suspected of being a part of rock that came from the Kuiper Belt, a large ring of rocks and debris that goes around our solar system and perhaps our galaxy. So, as it stands, Pluto does not seem to match at all with the rest of the outer planets, and although considered by many to be one, it really.......isn't.
I'm sorry, but once again it owes that fact to tradition. No one want's to accept that fact, and I admit, I didn't either. But, upon further study, I now agree with them. (Bear in mind as well, the above explanation was a condensed one. I simply do not have enough time to go into all the details of it. Especially since I misplaced my notes from astronomy that I took on the subject) So, I apologize, but for further information, just talk to me, or look it up yourself.
Anyway, now that is out of the way, and I can continue! In my absence, the days have gone by pretty well. Went camping over the weekend, and went to the Armed Forces Day parade in Torrance. That was pretty cool! They had 2 F-14's fly over, as well as a C-5,F-18, 3 T-4's, and other aircraft. Pretty cool day! I also have spent alot of time studying for finals. It's beginning to worry me.....but all should be well. I hope....
Haven't seen the mysterious "her" yet in some time(Keep trying, Quinn!). Went past Cal State Long Beach twice, which I admired..(C'mon Vaughn....Keep trying...) She also goes there....(sigh) But that's enough of that! She could be reading this! Hehehe.......crap.
Well, yeah...Can't think of anything else to say, so I guess I should just leave. Hopefully I'll be able to continue writing in here, so keep your fingers crossed! (Those of you who care!)
Until next time, don't let the door hit ya, where the good lord split ya!
See ya guys, later!
current mood: drained
current music: "I Ran (So far away) - by A Flock of Seagulls
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